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"My name is Cassie, I am 23 years old. I graduated as a qualified nurse this year and was given my first position as a home nurse.

My patient was an English gentleman in his early 80s who suffered from Alzheimer’s. In the first meeting, the patient was given his record and from it I could see that he was a convert to the religion of Islam, therefore he was a Muslim.

I knew from this that I would need to take into account some modes of treatment that may go against his faith, and therefore try to adapt my care to meet his needs. I brought in some ‘halal’ meat to cook for him and ensured that there was no pork or alcohol in the premises as I did some research which showed that these were forbidden in Islam.

My patient was in a very advanced stage of his condition so a lot of my colleagues could not understand why I was going through so much effort for him. But I understood that a person who commits to a faith deserves that commitment to be respected, even if they are not in a position to understand.

Anyway after a few weeks with my patient I began to notice some patterns of movement.

At first I thought it was some copied motions he’s seen someone doing, but I saw him repeat the movement at particular time; morning, afternoon, evening.

The movements were to raise his hands, bow and then put his head to the ground. I could not understand it. He was also repeating sentences in another language, I couldn’t figure out what language it was as his speech was slurred but I know the same verses were repeated daily.

Also there was something strange, he didnt allow me to feed him with my left hand (I am left-handed).

Somehow I knew this linked to his religion but didn’t know how.

One of my colleagues told me about paltalk as a place for debates and discussions and as I did not know any Muslims except for my patient I thought it would be good to speak to someone live and ask questions. I went on the Islam section and entered the room ‘True Message’.

Here I asked questions regarding the repeated movements and was told that these were the actions of prayer. I did not really believe it until someone posted a link of the Islamic prayer on youtube.

I was shocked.

A man who has lost all memory of his children, of his occupation, and could barely eat and drink was able to remember not only actions of prayer but verses that were in another language.

This was nothing short of incredible and I knew that this man was devout in his faith, which made me want to learn more in order to care for him the best I could.

I came into the paltalk room as often as I could and was given a link to read the translation of the Quran and listen to it.

The chapter of the ‘Bee’ gave me chills and I repeated it several times a day.

I saved a recording of the Quran on my iPod and gave it to my patient to listen to, he was smiling and crying, and in reading the translation I could see why.

I applied what I gained from paltalk to care for my patient but gradually found myself coming to the room to find answers for myself.

I never really took the time to look at my life; I never knew my father, my mother died when I was 3, me and my brother were raised by our grandparents who died 4 years ago, so now its just the two of us.

But despite all this loss, I always thought I was happy, content.

It was only after spending time with my patient that felt like I was missing something. I was missing that sense of peace and tranquility my patient, even through suffering felt.

I wanted that sense of belonging and a part of something that he felt, even with no one around him.

I was given a list of mosques in my area by a lady on paltalk and went down to visit one. I watched the prayer and could not hold back my tears.

I felt drawn to the mosque every day and the imam and his wife would give me books and tapes and welcome any questions I had.

Every question I asked at the mosque and on paltalk was answered with such clarity and depth that could do nothing but accept them.

I have never practiced a faith but always believed that there was a God; I just did not know how to worship Him.

One evening I came on paltalk and one of the speakers on the mic addressed me. He asked me if I have any questions, I said no. He asked if I was happy with the answers I was given, I said yes.

He asked then what was stopping me accepting Islam, I could not answer.

I went to the mosque to watch the dawn prayer. The imam asked me the same question, I could not answer.

I then went to tend to my patient, I was feeding him and as I looked in his eyes I just realized, he was brought to me for a reason and the only thing stopping me from accepting was fear…. not fear in the sense of something bad, but fear of accepting something good, and thinking that I was not worthy like this man.

That afternoon I went to the mosque and asked the imam if I could say my declaration of faith, the Shahadah.

لا إله إلا الله محمد رسول الله (lā ʾilāha ʾillà l-Lāh, Muḥammadun rasūlu l-Lāh)

There is no god except Allah, Muhammad is Allah’s messenger.

He helped me through it and guided me through what I would need to do next.

I cannot explain the feeling I felt when I said it.

It was like someone woke me up from sleep and sees everything more clearly.

The feeling was overwhelming joy, clarity and most of all…. peace.

The first person I told was not my brother but my patient.

I went to him, and before I even opened my mouth he cried and smiled at me.

I broke down in front of him, I owed him so much.

I came home logged on to paltalk and repeated the shahadah for the room.

They all helped me so much and even though I had never seen a single one of them, they felt closer to me than my own brother.

I did eventually call my brother to tell him and although he wasn’t happy, he supported me and said he would be there, I couldn’t ask for any more.

After my first week as a Muslim my patient passed away in his sleep while I was caring for him. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon.

He died a peaceful death and I was the only person with him.

He was like the father I never had and he was my doorway to Islam.

From the day of my Shahadah to this very day and for every day for as long as I live, I will pray that Allah shows mercy on him and grant him every good deed I perform in the tenfold.

I loved him for the sake of Allah and I pray each night to become an atoms weight of the Muslim he was.

Islam is a religion with an open door; it is there for those who want to enter it…. Verily Allah is the Most Merciful, Most Kind. “

* note * Our sister Cassie passed away October 2010 Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon, after she gave da’wa to her brother, who had accepted Islam Alhamdulillah [not a hadith]

//copy paste from someone's blog.

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assalamualaikum peeps.

soo, i guess i've abandoned this blog for quite awhile. because nothing much to share pn. but malam ni rasa mcm ada free time sket laa and boring kot, then here me to jot something down here. hmm where shud i start eh?hahaha ok, i think we all will be tested by Allah swt but in  different ways. yela kan, hows our life will be if there's no obstacle at all kan. tak challenging la kan. sbb Allah gives us ujian pn sebab to test our iman and ask us to keep praying for His help. and for me and family, we also been tested by Him. though we sometimes sighed bout all those stuffs, but we reminded each other to be strong. honestly, me sometimes felt very tired and get lost dgn ujian yg Allah bagi sbb im not that strong to face all that, and saya bkn yg sgt penyabar. tp thanks to Allah, He bless me with family that always keep me up and cherish me up. and He sent me afif, which is the one who always keep reminding me to istighfar whenever i felt devastated. afif selalu ckp that Allah will never give burden to His servants if we not able to handle it. which means apa yg my family get through ni sbb ktorg mampu. i know that but yela, we humans, kita selalu mengeluh dan cpt pnat bila kita rasa ok thats enough. cmtu la. but utk think positive, i selalu pk yg Allah syg kami, and this ujian makes us stronger and even better inshaAllah. ok thats my first point. the second is i tengah in  mood of holiday skang, yela sem break katakn hihi. tp disebabkan my elective project and i attach dgn dr wan syazli yg gila protocol, smpai sekarang ktorg kena pegi hospital every monday, wed and thursday. kena follow clinic bagai, even cpc pn kena pegi kot. at first mmg ktorg bengang sket la kot, yela sian kot my friends yg stay jauh still tak dpt balik uma. tp mmg Allah bagi ada je yg baik and ada hikmah. because of this elective, we can go to A&E and tgk burn case and dpt learn byk sgt benda baru. and we assist doctor suture hihi. dah mcm surgeon ktorg ni. buat kt manusia betol kot hahha. so Alhamdulillah la, Allah bagi semua yg baik utk kita. just we will realize that later. so always be grateful of what u have now. till then, salam.

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salam sahabat2 seislam ku, just wanna share something. utk kita semua, jgn berputus asa utk bertaubat, sesungguhnya Allah buka pintu taubat di waktu siang dan malam. jgn rasa kita terlalu teruk sehingga tidak mampu utk bertaubat. Allah berfirman: "jika dosa kita sampai ke langit, tapi sekiranya kita beristighfar, Allah pasti akan ampun kan dosa kita." Allah itu Maha Penyayang, percayalah, jgn rasa jauh dgn Allah. Allah syg dan sentiasa bersangka baik dgn kita. maka bersangka baik lah dgn Allah. anak Abu Jahal, Ikrimah masuk islam, dan masuk syurga dan merupakan org yg paling dekat dgn Nabi saw. sedangkan org yg tentang Nabi saw pun diterima Allah, mana mungkin Allah tolak taubat kita. Iblis pun mintak dipanjangkan hidup sehingga akhir akhirat, Allah tunaikan. sedangkan kita yg solat, mana mungkin Allah tolak doa kita. betapa ajaibnya doa kita. sentiasa bersungguh2 dgn doa kita, dan ikhlas dgn doa kita, yakin lah Allah pasti makbul kan kita. this is for reminding to me and kita saudara2 islam. yg pasti, kita mesti ada niat and berubah ke arah yg baik, selagi Allah masih beri nikmat utk bernafas :)

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assalamualaikum peeps!
its been awhile, been busy with medic stuff. and insyaallah esok i got long case to sit for. pray for my friends and i. medicine posting for me, sgt interesting yet tougher ughh. tp takpe la, 2 months i've went thru this interesting posting. and berdoa semoga dgn Ihsan Allah swt, Dia permudahkan kami esok. really really hope. however He has own reason for everything that might  happen tomorrow. semoga redha :))

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Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
a new year of 2013 has begun, which it makes me a year older and makes me to a step closer kepada kematian. Subhanallah. semoga diberi nikmat utk hidup lagi kerana masih belum cukup bekalan utk dibawa bejumpa penciptaNya. pray for the dark pasts will be forgiven. and hopefully we've achieved something in last year, which made us to be a better person insyaallah. and sentiasa berdoa agar kita berada dibawah keberkatanNya, kerana tanpaNya, kita takkan pernah ada peluang utk berada di dunia yg fana ini. insyaallah have a blessed 2013 everyone :)

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Apakah kamu mengira bahawa kamu akan masuk syurga, padahal belum lagi datang kepadamu (ujian) sebagaimana halnya dengan orang-orang yang terdahulu sebelum kamu? Mereka ditimpa dengan malapetaka dan kesengsaraan, serta digoncangkan (dengan bermacam-macam ujian) sehingga berkatalah Rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman bersamanya: "Bilakah datang pertolongan Allah?" Ingatlah sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu amat dekat. (Al-Baqarah, 2:214)

Mereka sgt beruntung kerana syurga pasti utk mereka, Insyaallah. walaupun Allah menguji mereka, tapi mereka tahu matlamat mereka adalah akhirat, bukan la dunia semata. Allah uji mereka kerana mereka adalah orang orang yg bertaqwa, dengan ujian begitu lagi mendekatkan mereka kepada Allah. mereka tidak takut kepada manusia, mahupun senjata. kerana mereka tahu, Israel itu dilaknat Allah, dan akan dihukum di akhirat kelak. walaupun hari esok tidak tentu ada bagi mereka, tapi mereka tahu suatu hari nanti mereka pasti menghadap dan bertemu dgn PenciptaNya. mereka berani menghadapi hari yg mendatang, kerana jihad itu adalah tujuan mereka. mereka pergi dengan senyuman, menangis dengan redha, dan mereka yakin Allah sentiasa ada dengan mereka. setitis darah yg keluar adalah saksi mereka di padang Mashar nati, dan  Allah tidak sama sekali akan memungkiri janjiNya. tetapi, dimanakah kita akan diletakkan di padang Mashar nati? adakah bersama mereka yg berjihad di jalan Allah? atau sebaliknya. apakah yg kita mahu bawak berjumpa dgn Allah di hari kelak nanti? mari lah kita renung-renung kan bersama. masih belum terlambat. sedangkan Nabi mengajak sahabat menanam benih sekiranya esk adalah hari kiamat. Nabi tak pernah ajar kita utk berputus asa. Allah sedang menguji kita dengan dunia.

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towards some extent, dah rasa give up. its not because susah ke apa, but YES medic is tough. but kekuatan dalaman is not strong enough to make me sustain to get thru all this. bila pk balik, selalu rasa am i gonna be in this field in future? Ya Allah, gimme a strength, if aku tak kuat di luar, just beri lah kekuatan hati so that aku tabah. just sometimes penat sgt bila pk kena do that, do this. Ya Allah.....