99

Ya Allah, permudahkan la segalanya. aku mohon segalanya kepadaMu. lancarkan lah kehidupan ku dan pemudahkan segala-galanya. aminn.

98

erkk arghh. tak tension pn tp just nak remind maself yg final exam is bout 3weeks left. tak suka gila la rasa environment exam ni. kena menelaah je keje nya. oh so stressed kot camtu. then afer exam kena prepare pulak utk professional exam. aduyai, bila pk balik, takde masa dah pon nak enjoy lebih lebih. sikit2 tu boleh la, tp lebih lebih tu cm tak boleh je. tak suka laa. anyway, u know what, rezeki Allah tu luas kan. so i just put ma trust on Him. kita usaha, tp yg bagi rezeki tu semua Allah. dont be too confident dengan your intelligence. sebab bukan tu yg determine u punya life. hmm then nextsem kitorg ada elective project. even tak jadi pergi overseas pn sebab uitm takde bajet sem ni, buat kat malaysia pn dah ok sangat. tp spe taknak pegi kan bila dah dpt fully sponsored by uitm haha. ok la, got to go. some works need to be done. bye guys!

97

sungguh aku teringat kepada-Mu

kala bencana yang hitam kelabu

datang menimpa diri

sehingga masa terasa penuh

dengan noda debu yang pekat

maka aku berseru di penghujung malam 

dengan menjerit menyebut asma-Mu

tiba-tiba muncullah wajah fajar

yang tersenyum membawa kecerahan

sekalipun kami lukiskan kemuliaan-Mu

yang disenandungkan oleh semua yang berjiwa

dengan huruf-huruf yang suci

Engkau tetap lebih besar, wahai Tuhan kami

semua makna di hadapan kemuliaan-Mu

tidak mampu mengungkapkannya

*****

96

family is the most precious thing given by Allah swt to us. and it indeed a very beautiful thing to have if we were born as muslim. i think that was a huge present given by Allah. and thanks to Allah sebab giving me family yang sangat menitikberatkan bab bab agama. even im stil lacking ilmu agama, but family always be right next to me to teach me bout ilmu agama. even i once made very bad mistakes, but thanks to Allah sebab giving me such family which always holding my hands to repent to You. and no words to describe this grateful feeling to You. so i have to utilize this remaining time yang ada to be a good khalifah in this world. i have to appreciate this chance yang Allah bagi wisely, sebab bukan semua org dilahirkan sebagai muslim. so cumon guys, untuk berubah ke arah kebaikan, jangan tunggu esok, lusa or taun depan. before nikmat islam ni boleh ditarik balik bilabila, lets be a good muslim. jangan hanya bercakap secara lisan, but we have to practice it. this is reminding maself too, insyaallah. and i have 8 siblings. and parents :)

 ayah bersama cucu nya

 ibu bersama anak dia yg garang hihi

 acak with her son

my gorgeous akak dengan acik

 my pretty acik dan tam

 man who's very particular bout his lovely car, abangwan

 my adek bongsu yg freaking pemalu yet very handsome, adek

 akim dengan aysar

 i think they are the most handsome guys i've ever met. adek abangwan and akim

and im so much in love with them :))

95

alhamdulillah, first test for CNS module dah lepass. tapiii, baikk punyaaa soalan. benanah otak ni nak menjawab nyaa. hopefully lulus laa. daa lepas tu kira besar rahmat sangat. now, will be more focus on the next part. kira tong tong sket laa untuk carry mark ni kan. hihi tp takpe, yakin Allah pasti tolong. just now my bestfren baru text soh pickup dia datang shah alam. nak lepak sama2. tapi sory sygg, i cant sebab this time tak bawak kereta. pak guard tengah menggila. saman kereta and clamping seapp. dah la saman dah naek up to seratus. kaya pulak aku nak bayar saman je. soo sorry syg. btw i really really miss u. this time betol betol nid u be right here. a lots to tell and to share. saya sangat perlukan awak. hihi. okk, spent lots of time with encik amir and encik afif tadi. thanks bawak jalan jalan. boleh lepas tension sket bila tak dapat jawab test tadi. hihi. ok, nait hearts.

i really really miss uu.

i love uolss.

thanks sahabat kerana sentiasa membantu dikala aku memerlukan korg.:)

94

i think this central nervous system (CNS) module agak interesting la. yet, complicated laa jugak. but for the first time rasa anatomy is an enjoyable one. just on the brain part. is amazing when we know our brain is fulfilled with a million neurons, billion ganglial cells which act as supporting cells, within a small mg of human brain. is it amazing? for me, yes it is. lagi, the prefrontal part of our brain play a role of controlling our behavior. in case there is injury or damage kat this part of our brain, perangai kita akan slightly change. from good to a very bad person. whoah, kuasa Allah. yet, our neuron itself can be improved without any external sources as what we can say it as medication, from the process of plasticity. boleh tak imagine, camne neuron tu boleh heal sendiri? no words. so thanks to Allah for giving us this powerful and amazing brain and body, even hanya untuk seketika sahaja. but for what purpose? hmm think! ok few photos time kat singapore :)

even penat nak mati , tp syioookk tuu. hiihi. ok nait bloggy-hearts.

93

yesss, i admit one thing yang im not good in cooking. yet im not interested of doin' that thing. seriousssllyy mann. so guys out there, never pick me to be your wifey. because i memang tak boleh masak utk korgg pon HAHAH. but one thing good bout me,  saya sangat sukaa clean up the rumah. proud of mee ahah. so choose lah saya utk jadi isteri sbb for sure uma korgg takkan semak even in one second! hihi. so hows im goin' to get married next year? naa, im not ready yet. nak bagi laki aku makan apa nati? takkan every day nak tapau nasi balik rumah. hmm even my laki teror masak, tp sampai bila kan nak bia dia masak utk aku? sooo dont worry. i'l force maself utk masak. alaa, actly takyah nak beriya sgt pon takpe. beli je buku masak tu, then follow jela kan. kann senangg. takpe jira, bia la sluggish mana pon u in that part, but u dah usaha sikit into it. yang penting laki u boleh terima u seadanya. i trust him. and girls yang hebat masak tu, untungg laaa. campak je apa2 kat kuali tu, konfem jadi makanan. aku ni campak2, jadi cm sampah je haha. takpe, ma weakness. what to do. yoooo, im goin to singapore tonight. just 1day trip. yeayy! enjoy your beautiful day dudess!

92

if you want ppl treat you nicely, u have to treat dem pleasantly too. kita bukan hidup sorg2, sampai bila bila kita mesti akan need someone untuk tolong kita apa apa pn. so please consider perasaan orang lain jugak. actly, im tired of being kind towards ppl yang tak appreciate langsung apa yang kita dah buat. seriously, sometimes jadi dah bosan. sometimes malas nak consider perasaan org lain bila org buat kita macam sampah. but itu bukan lah obstacles for me utk buat baik dengan orang. just ada masa, i get tired and get bored of it. i trust one thing, bila kita memberi lebih, tak penah rugi pon. pasti ada ganjaran yang lain. even bkn sekarang, pasti akan ada nanti. just have faith in Him. kita hidup pon semua kerana Dia.

91

bila members semua cakap clinical year best and we can easily catch up almost everything during clinical year, i think betol jugak. tapi bila fikir balik and bila tengok balik kemampuan diri sendri, rasa sangat tak yakin nak get through sume tu. even sampai sekarang, my heart is stil not in this place. semua negative thinking dah deposited kat my brain. lantak lah orang nak cakap apa, stil rasa tak boleh. plus bila tgk mmbe2 rapat sume nak grad bagai, ada yg dah kje and pakai BMW siap, oh no. mmg rasa Ya Allah, kenapa aku kena ikot kehendak parents and tekedek2 utk raih kebahagiaan. huu. sometimes when pray to Allah utk beri segala kekuatan for me to stand with all difficulties along this way, just feel like to drop bout 1L of tears of mine. but one thing i've got is nikmat besabar and kekuatan yang Allah bagi. if tak berada kat sini, maybe i enjoy puas2 my life dengan friends. tapi bila ada kat sini, even tak dapat enjoy sepuas2 nya, but alhamdulillah i stil can manage my social time with my friends. thanks Allah. up til now, jangan lah Engkau tarik segala nikmat ini sekelip mata dan jangan Kau hanyutkan aku dengan nikmatMu ini sebegitu sahaja. biar lah aku jatuh hari ini, sebagai pengajaran buatku untuk masa akan datang. if i succeed nati, its not bcoz of my struggling, but everything comes from Your ihsan. i pray to Allah, for each seconds, help me and dont put me aside. please.

90

he hee hellloooo bloggiee! oh dah lama tak update something kan. hihi bukan apa, no idea what to share and what to story. its ok takpe. so i think its not too late to wish happy eidmubarak to all of you. may we get a chance to meet ramadhan again. nak raya ni, jangan lah melantak byk sgt, byk pulak spare tayar nati kan haha.and i remind maself too. hmm one more thing, for those yg kenal saya, i wud like to invite korang to my sister's wedding on 9th sept ni. so spe yg free, come lah eh. ok lah, enjoy your raya dgn sederhana. till then, take care !

 

selamat hari raya from my family :)

89

12.48pm, still tak ngantuk lagi. myb gara-gara nescafe bara makes me insomnia tonight. Alhamdulillah, the first 10days ramadhan went dgn baik. but when the ends come, it must be very hard and sad for everyone. semoga Dia beri kita peluang untuk jumpa ramadhan lagi for the next year. ok dudes, will update again. goodnait !

88

AHLAN WASAHLAN YA RAMADHAN. may we fulfill this mubarak wisely.

tp before tu harus lah melantak habis-habisan.
sehingga ke cebisan tulang aku menguyah hihi
(ayat cam pelik je)

87

sometimes, we need to be alone. bersendiri memikirkan kekurangan diri sendiri, muhasabah diri sendri. and bila fikir2, actually we did wrongs banyak sangat. in fact, susah utk buat kebaikan especially utk diri kita sendri. friends are everything, family sangat penting. tapi hanya kita dan Dia yg tau kelemahan kita,yang tahu rahsia kita, dan tau berapa byk beban yang harus dipukul. in fact, di penghujungnya, kita pasti akan berbicara denganNya bout everything, suatu hari nanti.

86

he said to me, Allah is always be with you. thank you.

85

apa pasal mood aku swing semacam ni. macam sewel pn ada. nak study pn takde smangat langsung. masuk lecture hall, macam org bangang gilaa. asal ni??!! aghh, mood takde lagi weh nak absorb. nextweek start exam. then nextweek start clinical teaching kat hospital. budak semua sronok bagai. aku pulak, haa? im not ready yet ! ttbe rasa nak stop je, and join bisnes family aku. lagi snang huu. apa pasal ni, sedih gilaa do. im begging and praying and asking for YOUR help Allah. let everything going to be ease. even in a very little thing, supaya aku tidak mengeluh sebegini. help me. T_T

84

he: i taknak jumpa u kalau bukan kat taman bunga. i taknak !

me: u taknak u punya pasal lah der.

**tapi dalam hati, yeayyy he's coming back to malaysia, FINALY!. yahuu, aku tak sabar nak tengok muka serabai kau tu do. i miss u gilaa lah kawan.

guys, asal ramai sgt yang against BERSIH? im not saying that aku undi parti tu. but i think matlamat dorang is nak pilihanraya tu BERSIH and ADIL. i mean takde rasuah and undi2 hantu semua tu. but im not very sure pasal matlamat dorg yang laen tu. but, yg people rmai sgt against pembangkang and cakap pembangkang cam gilaa kuasa and nak permainkan agama tu, apa pasal kawan? let me let u think. kerajaan tu mmg betol ke bawak islam secara syumul? sedangkan yang nik aziz pakai jubah pn kena hina? sedangkan nabi dulu pn perintah negara pkai jubah. dosa ke? ttbe teremosi kejap bila tengok rmai yang kutuk pembangkang kat fb. sokong lah parti yg bawak islam. itu yang alquran dan nabi suruh. goodnait :)

83

salam alaik, hello again there! what's up guys? hopefully u guys enjoy these holidays peacefully and wisely. soo, im quite rajin post something lately sebab i've nothing to do instead of fb-ing and etc. well, only 2weeks left and i'l be going back to my school! sounds scary there hihi. and this time will be packed dengan lepak with my friends and family. its not too late lagi. ok korg, u guys suka telan ubat tak? not a liquid one, but a tablet ones. if korg suka, mmg bagus lah. but me, tak suka gila makan ubat2 ni esp. yg tablet tu lah like antibiotics. oh man, i hate the time when i got these kind of ubat2 to telan. few days ago, i met doctor to checkup few things bout my health. then doc said i got chronic sinusitis. dont be scared with that chronic. its nothing but a long term illness that deals with my sinus area. for those who're taking medical course, surely u guys know we have 4parts of sinuses. frontal, ethmoid, sphenoid and maxillary. and my case, it takes place in maxillary part. where this part of sinus get swollen. and cause my blood vessels ruptured. i alredy undergo surgery when i was 19, but things get worst. so doc gave me cefuroxime. well, im not into these drugs! so what to do, mkn pn ikot suka my time je kan. and yg consistent pn i used nasal spray tu huu. ok lah finish with that part. lets go with another part haha. ok, i miss terengganu like a hell yeah! u know what, i missed moments tidur kat uma fida and asha, and bangun pagi seeking for nasi dagang. and then pegi pantai at noon, berjemur. pegh, best do. rindu suasana kampung cmtu. then pegi air terjun even im not minat sgt with air terjun. i wonder why people suka sgt air terjun haha. ok takpe, but that tym mmg sronok sbb with kwn2. then lepak2 kat pantai, mkn keropok lekor. hell, sronok gilaa! and tym pergi holiday dgn family kt tganu. snorkeling, mandi pantai. best nyaa. i missed my friends there, they called themselves GC group hihi. thanks lah, sbb without them, aku mmg tak knal tempat2 kat sana. so, mayb i'l b in terengganu on july. so if ada rzeki, i'l be meeting u guys insyaallah. ok guys byeee!

i look very thin this time hihi

82

time shows 3am now, but im not about to sleep lagi. tak tau lah asal lately am being insomnia. nak kata biological clock tak switch lagi since balik dari umrah tipu lah kan. sebab dah been 2weeks cmtu dah. might be bcause, im quite thinking yg i get to go back to school!! arghh, hell. my 4 months holiday is being cut just like that. memang cuti tu kau yg punya. and so boleh buat sesuka hati kan. stop talking bout medical student blablabla. ktorg pun sama jela dgn student laen. u just know how to make me sane KY! huh. baru plan nak kje apa. in fact, i alredy got a job as promoter kat CR. then so suddenly ckp masuk on july. damn. its ok, try to think the positive side of it. anyway, rasa sunyi sangat being at home when no mum and dad around me. dorg kat china, for business matter. so boringgg. ma sister bz handling her coming wedding. ma brother bz kerja. and me? haaha, bz tidur, makan, watching movies, going out cari food. itu jela my routine. its ok lah. im preparing maself nak masuk belajar balik. nasib baek lah kat sha alam je. and if without ma girlfriends kat sana, i dunno how to survive in there. btw, u guys tau tak zumba dance? try get ones, dvd punya. best kot! im working out maself. kurus punya pasal. seriously, best gila dance tu hihi. ok lah, til now goodnait darlings !

81

tiba-tiba doctor ckp, eh awak semakin kurus lah siti. me like, pheeww. senyum lebar. akhirnya jalan gak ah aku punya diet kan hihi. but kalau boleh, i really really want back ma 47kg. insyaallah.

i love this pic of mine. bila berhadapan dgn kaabah, rasa kaabah tu something alive yg sentiasa lihat kita melakukan ibadah. seriously, kalau boleh and if ada rezeki, nak pergi lagi ke sana. this is the right place where we can concentrate of doing our ibadah.

this is jabal rahmah. tempat pertemuan Nabi Adam dan Hawa. and ini adalah salah satu tempat dimana doa kita akan dimakbulkan, insyaallah. especially elok doa untuk jodoh kita. selalunya org2 muda yg naik sebab bukit dia agak tinggi untuk smpai ke sini. and org muda yg beriya sikit bab2 jodoh haha. selalu the elderly tak larat sgt panjat. so yg adults ni lah tolong doakn. hihi

itu je nak share. byk lagi tempat menarik kat mecca ni like gua hira' whereas wahyu pertama diturunkan and macam2 tempat besejarah lagi kat sana. if kat madina, ada raudhah iaitu makam Nabi Muhammad is being placed there.

semoga kita sentiasa memperbaiki amalan kita. aminn

80

that girl. she's used to b ma closest one. lepaking together. enjoy the movies, the song, sleep and altogether. then, we got separated, and that was my very very bad time. but now, tiba2 your brother akan jadi my bro-in-law. oh my, kecik gilaa dunia ni. and when we met aritu, how glad i am. had chance to talk to u, againn. thanks to Allah. sayang and kawan itu come again.

79

oh my dearly sister,
you're getting married soon.
sobsob :(
be a good wife nanti.

congratss !

78

good luck to all ma colleagues !
may Allah gives us chance to succeed and pass for this semester.

77

dear Al-Mighty,
gimme strength to handle the hard things.
gimme patience to let things settled.
gimme passionate towards this difficulty.
undeniably, lets all things to be covered under your keberkatan.

dear Al-Mighty,
assists ma friends and i against difficulties in study your 'ilm.

76

WAKE UP JIRAAA !
there's no time to sleep and rest. but stil ada masa kot if nak lepak HAHAA.
no more 9-hours sleeping. heaven gilaa kau ni hihi
ok, shut your laptop down, and take notes and books, and READ ! hihi
til then, no more see youu lahh ! :))

75

eventho pnat gila and i get this severe body ache,
but indeed, it was a great time yesterday.
and have to admit, aku dah smakin pancit utk bemain.

they are trying soo hard to become just like maher zain. hihi
makteh syggg korg tauu !

final exam just around the corner. what will happen to me then?
:))

74

jangan bertindak beyond ma border line.
because aku pun ada pride and anger.



comel tak kawan saya?
i love all my friends.

73

when i get bored, i will clean up all ma stuffs. selalu time nak exam tu, all things will get messed. but, whenever im free, i use ma time to clean it up, like today. and the result will be like this .

medic-stuffs :/

port paling baik utk rehat :]

see, kemas kannn :))

72

to ma dearest bestfren, happy besday sayangg.
may u are always in bless.
sory, i got no new picture of u lah.
sangat dissapointed tak snap gambar aritu.
anyways, may u get all desired things u want in this world.
iloveyou :)

to ma dearest bestfren,
happy besday too hihi.
may u r always in bless.
gilaaa rindu ecaa.
iloveyou :)

rindu korang sangat sangat :'(

71

guys, im looking forward to fulfill all ma desired things. my vacation with family, with friends. oh cant wait ! always planning with ma beloved roomate. hopefuly the day will come, sooner or later. who knew. hihi ok, time to sleep. be positive for the hard matters. insyaallah, everything going to be fine. night world !

70

sometimes, aku rasa aku diperbodohkan. sometimes, aku rasa aku ketepikan kepentingan diri sendiri. sometimes, aku rasa semua ni tak adil untuk aku. sometimes, aku rasa, aku ingin besuara menegakkan kebenaran. sometimes, aku rasa this is not maself. sometimes, aku rasa sangat marah tapi tak dapat diluahkan. sometimes, aku rasa like nak crying, but i forced maself not to cry. sometimes, aku rasa nak buat bodoh je. its not because im a coward, but im likely behave to respect u as u're not respecting me in certain circumstances. but i know, Allah itu Maha Adil.

69

weekend is now coming. but this weekend will be hard for me, with plenty of works need to be done. depressed ! this GIT module is really really going to kill me. i think this module is the most tough one, though surely someone can say it is senang je kot. but untuk saya, susah sangat kot :(
even went to the class every day, i pretend to understand each single things that been taught. tapi paham paham je lah kan. thats why many seniors get failed in this module. no wonder lah kan, susa teamat. tp hopefully, with Allah's willing, i tried to maintain ma result. insyaallah. keep working harder. haruskah? hihi

68

i love him. eventho he doesnt love me, i stil love him. unfortunately, he loves me more than i do. what can i say. thanks yaww !

we share the same bright sun, the same round moon,
why dont we share the same love?

67

sangat sedih sebab not be able to come to the class today. '__________________'
hihi btw, im having a so called diarrhea. memang tak larat nak pegi kelas when our stomach is not in a well-conditioned. but missed a whole day class sangat rugi, sebab most understanding things are well-being absorbed during the lecture. eventho yesterday lectures half of it tak berapa nak faham sebab zzZZzzz dalam class. tell u, this is my first time having severe diarrhea. my whole body went weak. sangat lemah. so after this taknk dah minum clenx tea and must eat on time. forget bout slimming, forget bout your skin. kesihatan comes first. kalau tak, the outcome is just like this. very pathetic. its time to itadakimasuu !

happy birthday to birthday girl,
shabira binti abdul ghani.
sweet 24th.
may u are always in blessed by Him.
*saya nak age 24 gak sebab nak kawen hihi

66

loves :)

guys, have u ever know bout kifarah?
im experiencing it now.
He gives it to me, and im really down.
forgive me

65

guling kiri, guling kanan. stil tak dapat tido. im not prescribed theophylline drug, nor caffeine yet. arghh. its almost 3am. pity u jira ' __________' .

guys, i want this !

cant wait to grab this one for ME !!

ok, force maself to sleep.
until then, good night !

64

now i know, how it feels like being ignored by the closest and the bestfriend when he/she brought her/his bestfriend to hangout together. yes, its not your fault but its me as the matter. thats why i refused at first nak join your plan. but since you really pleased me to come, and i've no gut to let you down, then i say yes. but i know, i might be terasa sedikit. so there it comes. sangat sakit aty bila i sedikit tersisih. u once had experienced this situation, and you told me. but i have no gut to tell you since i think i have no right to say bout this yg tak penting sangat. lets the wind blew all this feelings, bad feelings actually. yes, u said to me we both are your bestfriends, but saya tak tahu why saya rse terasa sgt tadi. btw jira, this thing u have right now sangat tak cool tau. seriously, u are not cool anymore. whatever it is, thanks for inviting me to play paintball. i really had a great time with u guys tadi. eventhough our group tak dapat masuk peringkat akhir, but i think we all really did our best to compete with the other groups. hebat apa kita. haha. for u syg, up to this while, thanks for your hands, your laugh, your tears, ears, your shoulder, your shirts and bed and everything u had sharing with me. i really really appreciate and i love our memories. thank you my girlfriend. :)

chaiyook !

63

semalam, badan rasa tak sedap sangat. like having a fever. then my mom asked me, teman dia pergi makan makanan yg sehat. i refused mula-mula, sebab tak larat sangat. but dia paksa juga. as she said, this is good for preventing colon cancer. so takpe lah, teman jela. ikut lah skali, since elok untuk kesihatan konon nye. this is my first time makan this yogurt since ini adalah kedai baru bukak kat wangsa walk. but not for her, she had has this food for many times, since she likes to eat this healthy food kan. hihi. so, makan lah sebab sangat sedap tau. trust me.

tutti frutty. comel kan nama kedai ni. hihi

frozen yogurt tau. memang elok utk kesihatan bersama :)
have a try !

62

guys, have u ever thinking bout your life? i mean, today life is over, then what happen to the next? i've been thinking for many times. is the life will be going the same everyday? im bored to get through the same thing, each second in every single day. what will happen to me in the next, in the future. am i totally being confirmed to be a doctor? or am i will not becoming a doctor? adakah aku sempat untuk bekahwin nanti? is my life long enough to achieve and fulfill all my dreams? i wont my life's ended without even repenting. im very scared to be that way. there is many question marks in ma head but i couldnt answer those, even one. just imagine how bad i am. soo pathetic i am. however it is, even life seems like boring everyday, but with friends that always brighten my days, family who are always encouraging and supporting me, life is actually blissful. it very hard to stand with two legs, so i need the others' legs to be with me. thanks to you sayangs.

61

did i mentioned bfore bout ma favorite singer? tp perlu ke mention kan? haha, nway he is one of ma favorite singer. ofcoz u guys tahu kan owl city, sbb one of his song is contributed to the twilight movie. his vocal cord sangat smart. i like him even tak berapa nak kacak sgt, tp suara mmg ada.

he is soooo classic ///

60

finally, its over. lets have 2days rest freedomly. yehaaa!

ni kawan baru saya. hai TRACY !

ni kawan lama saya. kema, kak mira and kak sha

thanks for your laugh, your ears and for lending me your shoulders.

59

shud i tell u? nvrmind. just to let u know. ok, cmni. i know im not a good fren to take care every single thing in relationship. even with my boyfren, im failed to do that. myb this is my fault and i dont care if u want to put all the blames on me. seriously, i dont give a damn bout that. im just a person or a fren yang-tak-kesa-sangat in relationship. its not that im not taking seriously in relationship with frens. tapi aku jenis tak kesa apa-apa. so myb aku expect kau sama je cm aku. so ini adalah kesalahan saya. sorry k. sebab bagi aku, takde istilah nak makan hati, jantung or pape organ lah in relationship. just give and take. if nak ckp pasal terasa, mmg smpai kiamat pn takkn abes. sebab that is normal. macam normal flora kat our superficial organ. again, u can blame me thousand times, i stil dont care. but im not blaming u, at all. u are my fren, so i know whats ur kelemahan, and whats ur kekurangan. and i accept it throughout my life. but please do it the same thing. i have many people around me to take care of. aku tau kau slalu terasa dgn aku. aku pn pena makan aty gk, tp i just let it go. sebab thats not the only thing we want in relationship. there are lot of things i did bfore, just to make u happy and satisfy. but if u stil cant get it, just ok. takpe. saya mmg lemah bab-bab nak jaga aty org ni but im hardworking on it. just tggu dan lihat. if u cannot bear with me anymore, just tell me and leave me behind. its hurting me much but if u happy with that, go on. seriously, aku tak suka ckp benda ni esp kat blog, but im not tough enough to tell u this by face-to-face.saya tau awk baca blog saya even awk takde blog. whateva it is, im not take this thing seriously since im not that type of person, but i know u've hurt so much. sorry to become ur fren.

p/s: i love u.

58

oh my, i wish i just cud have bf like u lah. the behavior just like u. the physical image just like you. the way of smiling just to be like you. can or cannot? hihi. sukaaa sgt MZ. bukan sebab muka je, tapi semua lah. takpe ah, tak dapat ngadap muka kau pn takpe lah. tgk muka abang aku pn dah ok. sebab muka abg aku pn lebih kurang je cm kau. hihi. org lah ckp, im not. :)
ok, nak tido and mimpi u lah. good nait !

57

sunyi. sepi. suram.
tiada siapa yang tahu.
sakit. pedih. derita.
tiada siapa yang tahu.
guide me to the right way, please. anyone?
jatuh, tenggelam, once again.
aku tidak mampu bangun seorang diri.

56

the last saturday, i went to the dentist. for the exchanged of ma braces color. then our conversation started :

the doctor: siti, amacam medic? susah tak?
me: hm entah lah doc. the thing is byk sangat2. so penat gila lah like everyday kena baca.
the doctor: i know, i used to be like u. eh your sis ruhaya sambung master eh?
me: yep, isnin ni start dah class.
the doctor: wow, rajin dia belajar.
me: eh, doc blaja sampai degree ke? tak amek master?
the doctor: yes, saya tak larat dah lah nak blaja. even dapat tawaran further to specialist, tapi saya taknak. if nak blaja pn, i'd like to have islamic stdy. kitab quran tu pun tak habis lagi baca terjemahan. padahal tu kitab kita smpai akhir zaman kan. if baca saja without knowing the meaning, utk apa kan?

then i tersenyap seketika. sgt mendalam ayat doc ni. oh my, i wish i cud be just like you doc. selama ni, just baca quran without knowing the terjemahan. sgt teruk, sedangkan the kitab is ours for the muslims, sebagai pegangan. but im knowing but nothing. how pity i am. actly, this is what i want to be, just like you. as a wanna-be-doctor in future insyaallah, bukan sahaja ilmu duniawi penuh di dada, but the ilmu akhirat pun ada. then, i will proud to be myself afterwards.

for me to think. and you as my inspire

55

ok, its over. i mean test untuk haemopoietic and lymphatic system is done. so agak relieve di situ. boleh rehat kan kepala otak untuk malam ni. i loikee. thats it. tadaaa :)